The Tenets of Taekwondo: Self Control

This is part of a series on the Five Tenets of Taekwondo: Courtesy, Integrity, Perseverance, Self Control, and Indomitable Spirit.

Inevitably, when I am teaching children and I ask "What is self control?" I get the response, "Controlling your self!" Always good for a laugh!

I define Self Control as this: Doing the correct thing at the correct time. Personally, I divide self control into two categories. The first is Physical Self Control.

For younger students this translates into the obvious: learning to keep your hands to yourself, maintain "safety space" between yourself and others, how to stand in a line, how to keep your eyes on the teacher.

For adults, Physical Self Control can also mean utilizing physical restraint when needed, and pushing ourselves to exercise and eat right even when it's hard. In taekwondo specifically, we learn how to control our bodies in specific ways to perform required techniques.

Emotional Self Control can be less visible but is no less important. Learning emotional discipline is a critical life skill. For younger students, this can be learning to take deep breaths instead of yelling or crying--whether in anger, frustration, embarrassment, or any other emotions than can be overwhelming to children who are still learning how to express themselves.

For adults, emotional self control can take many forms. We all deal with individual issues. Depression, anger management, anxiety, self doubt, and a host of others. Please don't mistake me: many of these issues are best addressed under the care of medical professionals and therapists. That said, developing mental and emotional resilience through deliberate practice can help!

For all of us, learning to control ourselves when emotions are running high is important. Rather than being overwhelmed, we want to be able to use our skills in moments of adrenaline: in an argument with a loved one or facing a frustration at work; sparring at a tournament or facing an attacker in an alley. Being able to use self control is a critical part of becoming a black belt.

Like all other skills, Self Control takes training and practice!

Here are some ways you can practice Self Control:

1. Take deep breaths. Use the meditation skills you have practiced.

2. Walk away. In some cases, you may need some space from the situation in order to deal with it better. Go for a walk, listen to music, draw, or just step away for a few moments.

3. Talk it out. It can be helpful to talk to someone about the situation, either the person you have conflicted with, or an outside party who may be able to help.

4. Remember your purpose. Why is using self control important to you in this situation? It could a relationship that's important to you. It could be a goal you're working toward. Focus on this vision!